The Quinndex

I’ve been thinking a lot about gender lately.

First, a little background. For many years, I described myself as a “Judas to my gender. Starting around 2013 or 2014, I began using the phrase “body of a man, mind of a woman, and happy with both.” Finally, I have, since 2019, identified as non-binary, and have preferred they/them pronouns, I readily accept he/him, though, especially from strangers who have nothing to go on but my physical appearance. As you can see from my thumbnail here on the Quinndex, I could not present more male if I tried. In recent years, I’ve grown very fond of the term “gendermeh,” signifying that, while I do have a gender, I couldn’t care less about it. But in the past year or so, I’ve been wondering … if my own gender doesn’t matter to me, could it matter to someone else?

Let me give you a scenario. You and I are strangers, and we just happen to be in the same place at the same time. You identify as femme, and a male-presenting person approaches you. You are visibly uncomfortable with the unwanted attention and ask the person to politely leave you alone. They refuse and continue harassing you. I witness this exchange and I come over and confront the unwelcome person.

I know that presentation is most likely what’s key here, but in this situation, would it mean more to you and perhaps, by extension, to the harasser if I identified as male rather than non-binary? Or would it not matter, so long as I looked like a guy? Would it matter in a different type of scenario? Would my gender identification matter at all to anyone other than myself?

I’d like to hear your thoughts on this matter.

QQQ: The source of the quote that was the title of blog post #6, “Someone [back east] is thinking, ‘Why Don’t He Write?’” was correctly guessed by Bella, It was said by Timmons, Robert Pastorelli’s character in Dances With Wolves.